Dec 29th - Hockey Cancelled

Hockey will resume in the new year with the request to move to the International Rink.

Black 3 - White 2

Special thanks to Darshan for supplying the pizza at the end of the year party.

Dec 1st: Hockey Cancelled

Hockey is cancelled for Decemeber 1st and will return Dec 8th.

White 6 - Black 1

Team White was firing on all cylinders as the trend continues with one team dominating the night. Team Black called up their minor league goalie after their starter Kutchee Sidhu fell to an illness hours before the game. Team Black had difficulty containing an offense led by veteran Bill Virk and Pardip Kaila was stellar in net stopping numerous 2 on 1s and breakaways. After the game, Ryan Bhala pleaded to be traded to Team White for a bag of pucks. "Do you know how much pucks cost these days?", said Team Black president Smiter Kaila.

White 7 - Black 0

Record breaking performance by Team White as Pardip Kaila records a career high 3 shutouts. Team White's top defenseman Paul Samra summed it up best by saying, "Team White 7 - 0 ... priceless". Team Black's captain was unavailable for comment.

In other news, Team White's captain Sharny Kaila has checked into a Gambling Rehabilitation program after being spotted at Boulevard Casino for 6 hours on Friday Night. Sharny has missed the last two games due to a back injury sustained at River Rock Casino. The injury was due to the long hours spent at the Casino and constantly reaching for chips after each winning hand.

KK returns to the lineup

Kal Kaba ( aka 'KK') returns to the lineup after being in the minors to retool his game. Although Team Black has KK's rights, he must go through the waiver wire to see if he gets picked up by any other team. KK is eager to play and looks forward in joining Pipes and Bhala on the opponent's blue line.

Black 5 - White 3

Team Black dominates 3 weeks in a row. Last weeks posting was too difficult to write due the beating Team White took. Team Black's public announcer Ryan Bhala was expected to post a comment on Team Black's dominating performance but he has missed 2 of 3 games due to his 'liquid diet'. Bhala did pull up in his Ford Festiva late Friday Night after the game for some team building exercises.

Also, congrats go to new father Deep Sandhu on his baby boy.

Moving to International Rink

This week's tilt will be at the International Rink. There have been some issues with the American rink the last few weeks. We will try the International Rink to see if it is any better.

Black 5 - White 3

Team Black took last weeks dismal performance personally and came back with authority led by Dipper's hack attack defense.

Dipper will be getting engaged Sunday October 29th. Congrats big guy!

Black 0 - White 5

Complete domination.

Black 3 - White 3

Series was tied and ended in a shootout controversy.

White 6 - Black 3

Team White wins the season opener 6 games to 3. I'll let the trash talking begin now.

Pardip Kaila Gets the Call

Pardip Kaila will be starting in goal this weekend as he was called up from the affiliate league up in Mackenzie, B.C. The callup was due to Shakey accepting a one year contract to play in a rec hockey league after his stellar season in goal for Team White.

Schedule for October Finalized!

Here are the dates for the month of October at GPF (American Rink):

Friday October 06 - 11:30 PM - 1:00 AM

Friday October 13 - 11:30 PM - 12:45 AM

Friday October 20 - 11:30 PM - 12:45 AM

Friday October 27 - 11:30 PM - 12:45 AM

Great Pacific Forum - Planet Ice by Alex Fraser Bridge
(10388 Nordel Ct., Delta, B.C.)

Smiter Kaila - 2005/06 League MVP

Ball Hockey Nationals

Our captains for both Team White and Team Black represent at the Nationals in Montreal.

Meeting Minutes: Next Season Update

Bill Virk: Hello Hero's, I'm going to start looking into Ice Hockey on Fridays nights starting October. I'll have the breakdown on various rinks and time slots.. We want to book time slots starting through to Dec so it remains consistant. Email back if you are going to be a part of this years season and ,with outta doubt.......White Team domination....AGAIN.......,

Baldeep Sandhu: We also need confirmation and monitoring of a capsystem. Last season Team White and their GM Iron Stinkhad free agents joining the team every Friday.

Khalfan Kaba: I also have goalie equipment that I use on occasion so if i have to play iwill or i can bring the shit and someone else can play.If there is no goalie let me know.

Ryan Bhala: Please don't tell me thats KK's real name!...sounds like a relative of Bin Ladens...hahaha!

Sharny Kaila: Sorry I didn't reply back sooner, I'm off work this week so I haven't had any free time on my hands. October sounds good. Maybe if there is a free weekend in September we should set up a BBQ/ Draft day. Only we will make it a silent draft so Baldeep doesn't go home crying after getting picked last.

Gurp Daku: Hey guys Me, Sunny, and Gopal are in.............and you'll all be happy to know that the wounds in my back have basically all healed up from the knife Sharny stuck in it last year

Bob Sidhu: I have re-signed with team black....terms will not be disclosed....no trade clause has been put in, in case the kaila sisters (iron mike stinky and osama bin lady) decide to do any backdoor negoiations, our family still in shock after the sudden departure of bill virk to team white......barring any injuries or drinking binges I have committed to a full year in edmonton (team black) my wife said I am allowed...she likes edmonton....the mall is particulary nice

Smiter Kaila: I don't know if team black wants to welcome a player on to their team who has to get permission from the wife! All it takes is one little fight and we might be out of a goalie for the whole year.

Kulvir Kaila: Bob has two wives. Amy and Bill.

Bill Virk: I'm bobs wife? This coming from a Bitch that wears a Swedish Special Visor that is Tear and Chow Meow Proof!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND a Canuck fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANd tees off from the Ladies Tees????The last time I heard some rubbish was the last time the Canucks won the cup, incidently it was around the same time you scored a goal in ice hky hoe bitch...

Smiter Kaila: holy shit! don't mess with that cat. Chow Meow!!

Bill Virk: Hey Ryan , make sure you sharpen your white figure skating skates and hem your pink and black dress for the upcoming season. You want to look your best waltzing on OUR blue line while WE fill your net up with pucks, bob's g-strings and baldeeps XXXXXXXXXL nike sports bra's.......

Bob Sidhu: edmonton oiler players (peca/pronger etc)= whipped, no balls, no backbone, no brain ... much like their counterparts...team white and all edmonton oiler fans...chew chew...wha wha ... inner conflict already brewing within team white organazation

Ryan Bhala: I agree with having the bbq/draft day thingy but lets add in some texas holdem in there too then i'm all in! I say we get rid of the blue lines this year.. that way i can stand with shakey and pound back a couple of stiff ones while i wait for a pass from one of my teammates which could take forever!

Am Kooner: I wanna be on one team next fall, preferbly opposite makan (i can't believe its not butta)

Mak Parhar: Mr hooked on Ebonics... My name is spelled MAKHAN or BUTTERGet it right.

Am Kooner: ur the 1 that looks like a pundhay

Final Two Weeks Remaining

Hockey is back for the final two weeks of the season.

Where: Langley Twin Rinks
When: Friday April 21st, 11:00pm sharp!
How much: $10 (goalies are free).

Hockey Night in Delta

THe league has reviewed the tapes from last nights wrestling match and will certainly be handing down suspensions and possible fines. The league is also considering shutting down this blog site which seems to be the root cause of the increased animosity between the two clubs. THe league is also considering suspending all future trades as what started out as a friendly friday night skate is turning into a bitter and hostile rivalry. If necessary, we may even have to cancel the remainder of the season to allow the teams some time to cool off.

Spelling B.......................(assi)

Judging by all the recent non-sense being blogged about by Sharny " Virk get your nose out of my ass" Kaila, Ryan " i got to the rink 6 hours before game time " Bhala and Paul" hooked on fonics " Bassi only one thing is pain-stakingly clear. Someone or something should get Paul Bassi some English writing and speaking lessons. I dare anyone out there to translate his last blog. It's fucking ridiculous. I don't mean to pick on "The Kid", but is he 18 or 8. He obviously can't read his contract and therefore is traded each week to even up the jerseys on each team. GM Iron Mike should be ashamed of himself, using his players services like some cheap hookers, trust me I know. As far tonight's matchup is concerned,Team Black should icethe same roster as previous weeks, but TeamWhite is once again flying in players from around the province and perhaps the country to have any sort of chance to win this week.

Trade should Even It Up

After the trade gurp for bassi hockey insider bob mackenzie says" it should be evened up it was a good trade a lil bit of defense for a lil bit of offense it was what both teams needed black needs more defense and white doesnt need it but got a lil bit more offense now the biggest advantage or disadvantage is going to be what team mucken plays for cause he blows to many chunks what ever team he plays for is going to work harder" we also caught up with bassi after his morning skate with the white team " im happy now im back at home wen i played for white no one complained me and pipes were rippn shit up the only thing im not happy about is ever since i started playing with these group of guys i'v bin on the same line as pipes just going to be a lil wierd checking him now. Wen i played for team black all people did was bitch an complain they loved you wen ur winning and hateing wen ur losing everyone one was quick to point a fingure and like i said last friday the problem with balla is he cant play with people better then him hes gotta understand im half his age im gonna be faster then him an have more energy is he cant keep up thats his problem. Hes gonna find out friday night whats gonna happen because im going to eat a veggie sub b4 i come an play so il have extra energy. I jus hope theres no hard feelings from the black team towards me and if there is hard feelings we can settle it on the ice." It was a brove move by GM sharny to get bassi back now the question is whos sharny gonna stab in the back next? he traded bassi to team black after one bad game and after gurp had one bad game on friday what did sharny do? he traded him we will just have to see whos next

Hockey Night in Delta

If Bin Ladin would come out of that cave he's hiding in and get his head out of his ass he would have seen the headlines that Bassi has been dealt back to team white.
After squabbling with teammates after Friday nights game, it was apparent that Bassi perferred his subs "white" rather than toasted "black". Bassi was reportedly disgusted with team Black's premature celebrations and premaure ejaculation after taking an early 3-0 lead only to see it deflate as quickly as it was inflated (if you know what I mean). It's too bad the Viagra pills Deep Sandhu mixed in team blacks water bottles did not last for a full sixty minutes. Once the effect of the pills wore out, team white had team black bent over and gave it to them for two consecutive 3-0 asskickings. Fortunately for team black time ran out during the final game, otherwise they would probably never have recovered from getting raped up the ass after blowing a 3 game lead. Yet, Mr. Bin Ladin refers to this as a shalacking???

Last Friday Night at the Ice Rink

As the season winds down the atsmosphere in the Team Black dressing room this morning was upbeat. Even though there was apparent friction last week between a few Team Black players they say they've worked out all the kinks on the team. Team Black captain Smitter K had this to say "well you know after our shalacking of the white team last week we had a few heated moments afterwards in our dressing room. Bhala wasn't happy with Bassi's lack of passing the puck and told me afterwards 'it's either me or him' meaning one of them gets traded. but we had a team meeting and Bassi showed up with a team platter of Quizno's Subs which smoothed everything over and said we'll give it another shot playing together one more time." When Bhala was approached on this matter he had this to say.."damn those subs were good!....well you know Bassi's a good guy and we're going to give it another go friday night and see how things are if it doesn't work out then well we'll see what transpires after that." None of the Team White players where available for comment especially after being handed one of their most embarrassing losses of the year.. team white trailed three games to nothing thirty five minutes into the session! They eventually pulled even at three but that was after Team Black obviously let off the gas and let them back in it and then finished them off in the last game...KayKay had this to say "we where up 3 games to 0 with like half hour into it when our captain Smitter told us on the bench to let up ease off the gas pedal and put it in neutral for a bit and thats exactly what we did."
With all this being said the two teams have battled pretty even all year with some great games been played but it all boils down to this one last game at the rink this friday night for bragging rights....Osama Bin Laden, Aljazeera, New York!

Hockey Night in Delta

Trade rumours circulating late Friday night have now been confirmed. In a surprise move, "Iron MIke" has dealt away a steady blueliner in Gurp Khakh reaquiring the once removed "cancer" Bassi.

Team Black had their morning practice today with a familiar face back in the lineup. Ryan Bhala was not in the lineup last friday night due to back spasms and had this to say about last week's game..."well you know we're playing just like the Canucks right now winning one game then losing the next very unconsistant hockey so i think we have to get it together and put a winning streak together starting this Friday night." Q: so Ryan what do have to say about the comments made by your former teammate Bad Ass Billy Virk?..A: " he's talking about us playing like shit well i tell you what.. shits gonna be flying out of their asses this friday after we shitkick them then they'll be wining, crying, and stinkin like shit once again and coming up with some lame accuses on why they lost. We got the players to get the job done so we'll have to get it together and start playing our game.. once we get that established there's no way these guys (team white) will be able to stop us." Bhala also mentioned something about a secret weapon besides himself stepping back into the lineup this weekend. He wouldn't say who or comment any further...reporting live from some mountain cave in Jammu this is Osama Bin Laden,..Aljazeera.

White Team bang on again..

It has been long known that if you stand outside a barber shop long enuff, eventually your going to get a hair cut. In the realm of Delta Friday Night Hockey this also remains true. As our evergreen GM, and the GM of the Year, Clarkee said, Team Black you Are Shit.5 games to 2 Shit.......You know that Shit attracts Shit Flies and lots of Shit Flies attract Shityer Shit Flies. And eventually there is sooo much Shit that a Shit Rope is formed, and it all leads straight down to Shitville.
Team Black, all you need is a Mayor of your Shitville.
Who is it? We know the the Shitville Town Idiot is Toor. The town pump is 'lil' ouch my ass hurts' Bassi. Bhala is the Shitville Thief and Chinny the Shitville Yoga Queen. O, and Shitter......come on, thats too obvious. He's the Chocolate Lane Town Priest. Deep he's the Town Dog.

Please inform the Board of Governors by this Friday.

Stretch Run

Delta, BC - After last Fridays dismal performance and the trade deadline having come and gone it is evident that Team Black just didn't anticipate the lack of chemistry involved with the 6 player swap. While Chinny"Chandigarh"Skidhu has been steady since acquired, the same can not be said for Paul"we make subs for 2 dollars and sell em for 8" Bassi. Not just game in or game out, his shifts are about as unpredictable as the e-mails sent out by Deep Sandhu i.e hoghuntin, puking. Sources close to the situation are saying teammates think his defense is more disgusting than any e-mail. When reached for comment Mr. Bassi said " Shakey got lucky, I'm gonna light'em up next week." told it was not Shakey in goal he retorted "Toasted tastes better". With answers like that, this league needs a tougher drug policy because Mr. Bassi is obviously more baked than any Quizno sub. With 6 weeks left and first place up for grabs Team Black has to get it together quickly.

Player of the Month Award

We're only two weeks into the month of March and the newest member of team white "Bad Ass" Billy Virk (aka "Daddy") has already been voted the Friday Night Hockey Player of the Month. Virk was aquired in a blockbuster six player trade that has in reality become a 3 for 1 swap with the other two new members of team white gone MIA. Since the trade, which has left Team White crippled for bodies, they still have an astonishing 2-1 record. With only three spares on the bench and one flat ("Makhan") which remained on the ice for the full 60 minutes, Virk played a big role in Team whites hard faught 5-3 victory on Friday night. When asked to comment on Virk's performance, GM Booby Clarke said: "No disrespect to the three former member of our squad, but I have never seen anybody play with the heart and determination that Virk has shown in the last few weeks. Virk has been showing up ready to play night after night and all this after just recently becoming a new father. He is setting an excellent example but some guys just don't seem to be following."

Clarke would not say he who was referring to but reports suggest it was the other two members acquired from Team Black in the big trade. According to reports, one of the two unnamed players was on his way to the rink on Friday night but he inadvertantly grabbed the wrong "hockey bag" from his garage and is now being held by authorities for possession of an illegal substance. And we have just learnt that the other unnamed player is apparently participating in another "high impact" sport which conflicts with Friday NIght Hockey. We're not sure what the other sport is but apparently it involves staying home and some sort of cuddling with a significant other.

Trade Deadline

The deal has been confirmed. Makhan has been dealt to team black in exchange for 12 free yoga sessions for each member of team white. Makhan had this to say about the trade: "I'm just happy to be on the same team as Toor. Now I can continue to skate around with my head up my ass without having to worry about getting plastered into the boards. I mean that's how drop in hockey is supposed to be played - with your head up your ass". To sweeten the deal, team white players have all pitched in and bought a brand new black jersey for Makhan.

TRADING DEADLINE

Thursday March 9, 2006

On the trading block for the WHITE TEAM is Makan"I can't believe its not butter" Parhar.

When told of his potential removal from the WHITE TEAM, he just had this confused look on his face, like he does when he's playing hockey.

Open to all offers!

Seriously!

BLACK 4 WHITE 2

Well the words of Ryan Bhala were lived up to from last week as Team Black went on to defeat Team White 4 games to 2. Team Black got a boost by getting their #1 goaltender Bobby Sidu and Double K back into their lineup. Black was up 2 games to nothing when they let off the gas pedal and let Team White back into it. White tied things up 2-2 but thats as close as they would get as Team Black took over and bitch slapped Team White aside 4 games to 2. Bhala had this to say after they victory.."well as you all know i challenged my team last week to step it up a knotch and thats exactly what we did. Having Bob back in between the pipes was huge for us and Kk also came in and did a great job. Bassi stepped up and led the way with team captain Smitter and all in all we had an all around team effort today ... everybody chipped in Parm scored a big goal and set one up and Sonny scored a couple of big goals and let's not forget Tour's big hit on Mac Daddy also!..made my job a lot easier...all i had to do is set these guys up. I think next week we'll be even better. "

Team White apparently were seen yelling at each other after the game calling each other every name in the book...Randy "bucktoothed beaver" Parmar had this to say when asked about his team's performance..."WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT HUH..HUH...I did my f---in job out there scoring some big goals but these guys don't realize that it takes a team effort not a one man recking crew to get the win...GET that F----IN CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE YOU PIECE OF S--T! NO MORE QUESTIONS I SAID...GET THE F--K OUT! After the outrage reporters were asked to leave Team White's dressing room. Team Captain Sharny Kaila also had no comment after the game.

Last weeks game captured on video

Wow, didn't realize someone video taped last Friday's game. There is a special 2 minute video clip at the following site:

Team Black vs. Team White

Black Panthers

Hot off the press!!!!!!

The Black Team has decided to go to its roots.

They will be now called THE BLACK PANTHERS- PUBLIC ENEMY.




Paul Bassi: The real mouth of the south.

"OK MAN"

I NEVER APOLIGIZE. I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.



Ryan Bala: The original hype man.

"Yeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhh Boyyyy!!!!!! Hah hah! That's right, Flava Flav here. I like to watch TV back in Da-crib, and due to a weather anomaly, I'm able to receive British TV. Yes! So here's the very best night's viewing that I can think of. Put it on ya toast!"

After thier morning practice Team White's newly accuired right winger Mr Badd Ass Billy Virk didn't seem as confident in his team as he did four days ago after thier 3 - 1 victory over Team Black. Virky , when asked by reporter David "fat ass" Pratt, had this to say..."well Dave we went into last friday's game riding on pure emotion after the big trade. Team Black didn't come to play that night and we got lucky...very lucky. I played on that team for the last year now and i know when Smitter , Bhala, double K, the Deepster and now obviously Paul, Paul and whenever Paul shows up want to turn it up a notch or two they do exactly that and just shut the other team down completely. I was honoured to be a part of that team and I just told my new teammates to watch out for them to come out full force this friday night. I also told Team White that we also need someone else to start scoring besides Sharny..I'll do my part but we need guys like T.J. and Randy "Buckteeth" Parmar to add some scoring to our line- up also. With all that said we better be ready to play on friday.

Hockey Night in Delta

Controversy

The McKeeerie (Kulvir Kaila) AKA Craig Janney is reportly in secret talks with the Black team to defect reports TSN insider Dave Hodge. McKeeerie is supposedly not happy that his little buddy Polly Pipes was traded two weeks back. When questioned about this McKeeerie held back tears when he recalled how he would sharpen his skates between Polly Pipes double chin. In furious anger McKeeerie directed the blame towards GM Sharny: "Sharny got drunk and traded away the whole team." While perplexed by last week's surprise victory, McKeeerie believes it was a fluke.

BLACK WILL BE BACK

Team Black had a closed door meeting this afternoon. After coming out Ryan Bhala had this to say..." These guys (Team White) are getting too cocky. what they don't think we'll be back.. Team Black will be back to its winning ways this Friday. we're not going to lay down and die... these guys win one game and they think they're Stanley Cup champs. They basically had Sharny score all their goals and Shakey. We shut down Sharny and we get more shots on net we win. .. it's as simple as that... hopefully we have Ohlund back in the lineup along with KayKay to help out in the scoring department..all this crap about backchecking and leadership will be put to rest this Friday night.. I challenge my whole team to step it up a notch and bring our A game!

Extreme Scouting done by Team Black

Yemen: Top G7 sources report that Team Black have gone to Scouting where No One has even dare to go. Early reports indicate the Team Black's Top Guy gave the unprecidented Thumbs Up to Scout Recent Kabul Prison attempted escapees' from a Top Max Jail in Kabul. Secret Protected AAA emails btwn gov. officals were leaked to the press when an internet virus named "Black Monkey" smashed into an Egyptian mainframe web network.

At least four inmates have died and dozens wounded during a riot at Afghanistan's notorious Kabul prison, a local government official said Monday.

Officials blame the rebellion, which began late Saturday, on false promises made by Team Black's Top Guy Shitter s. Kaila. Sources say he had written letters to anyone who escaped, that he would provide them with a new life in Delta BC, and more importantly give them a spot on his sinking hockey team.

Prison officials said the rioting inmates finally agreed to halt violence late Monday to remove the wounded and bury the dead.
Supplies of water, electricity and food -- cut off a day earlier in a bid to quell the violence -- were restored, the officials said.

Chief government negotiator Mr.Bad A$$ told The Associated Press that Team Black is open to scounting any player in the world, but false promises is nothing new fot Team Black.

Team Black's Dazzed and Confused forward R.Bhala was quoted as saying,
"hey...man...at least these guy's have a pulse right,,,,, like you know what I mean???"

Weekend Blues

DELTA, Canada - Well it hasn't been a very happy weekend for team Kalhian (Female Negros). Since trading three of their players, the Porch Monkeys are 0-2.
So WTF is going on?
There are several areas of major concern...
The first is the goaltending situation. Scouting for a goalie 1 hour before game time in locations even Hardeep (D-tour) Toor wouldn't go is not very irresponsible. While goaltending is certainly not the only problem, it is a serious issue that needs to be addressed ASAP. Management was hoping to go with Bob (Nintendo Thumbs) Sidhu, but he was busy on the last level of Zelda.
Speaking of the team in front of them, the defensive coverage has been absolutely terrible. While the spotlight has always been on the goaltending, or lack thereof, defensive coverage has been the true achilles heal of this team. The Jigga Boos give up way too many quality scoring chances and it has become an epidemic. The lack of depth on the blueline has taken it's toll on the top guy Smitter (Don't Call me Shitter) Kaila. It also seems that De-tour is not a reliable defenceman, giving pucks away like a cheap hooker. Going into this next month there are a lot of red-flags where the blueline was concerned and the defense needs to be addressed.
While the defense core is not playing well, a lot of the blame needs to be placed on the forwards. There are 5 guys on the ice who need to be responsible in their own zone. On too many shifts there are only 3 or 4 guys getting it done. The forwards need to put a lot more effort into backchecking, but more importantly they have to work harder along the boards and they need to support the defense when breaking out of the zone. Until the forwards start playing better defense, the lack of depth on the blueline and in net, will continue to be exposed.
Goaltending and defensive play are two of the obvious areas of concern, but there is one more area that is probably the most concerning of all - intangibles.
This team is lacking in heart, work-ethic, grit, chemistry and leadership. They simply don't have "IT" and it's painfully evident when they play team WHITE. It starts with the top guy, Ryan (Bottle Rocket) Bala. While the Rocket had his best games when he was playing with Paul (Missing) Gill (working hard, hitting, backchecking and putting up huge numbers) he has gone back to being the pouty, depressing cherry-picker of old. Scoring goals is not leading by example. Leading by example entails working hard on every shift, not lamenting in post game comments that the team isn't working hard enough. Leading by example means backchecking all the time. Leading by example means taking the body when it's there and not turning away.
Okay enough with the leadership, let's look at the grit and heart of this team. The best post game comment must have come from defenceman on Team Jungle Bunnies Deep (Snake 2) Sandhu, "we traded our grit for shit". Well it's hard to look at something that isn't there. There is no grit on the scoring lines, which you can get by with because of the offense they hope to provide.
Finally I come to team chemistry. This group of players has grown stale. First let's put things in perspective. There are low points in every season and the Niggers are currently at a low point. It's not time to push the panic button, just for the sake of doing "something." What Shitter does now will affect this franchise for the next several games. So with that out of the way let's get to it...

It's time for Shitter to make his mark.

TEAM BLACK

Hidden Agenda

Hats off "two" team white who displayed what trading away the right players and not mattering what comes back can really do for a team. Who cares how you remove cancer as long as it goes away is a prime example of the recent trade. Thus freeing up GM/player/coach/backstabber Sharnjit Kaila to have an entire orchard for himself to pick without having to share and pretend to have to co-exist with Pipes and The Kid. After carrying the goal scoring workload for team white Sharny acomplished his goal of shortening down his bench and having one line of defence, a goalie named Shakey. After Dan Cloutier's pads went down in week 3 of this season to an injury or a reception party, GM Sharny knew he fell upon something good with Shakey (does anyone know this guys real name?) in net. Judging by Team White latest performance its obvious that we haven't seen a two man team put together like this since 1988 Winter Olympic's when Jamaica's two-man bobsled team captured the hearts of a nation, but didn't capture a medal. This ideolgy of no "I" in team will be tested by Team White's 4 eyes, player/coach Sharny and and netminder Shakey, how long will this continue, we will wait and see with our own eyes.

Reporting from Torino
Baboo Mackenzie

Winning is now become 2nd nature to the White Machine.

After an easy road game win, the White Team drank late into the night. White Machine's GM S.S.K, invited his team back to his plush Palace, similar to the Palace in Auburn NY. Unbeknownist to the White Machine's Security's personnel, some gut-less Black Team members where seen trying to break into this very private party. After much inquiries, the Black where found to be just wanting to have anal sex with the next door's family pet bob sidhu.
White Machine 3 Black Phuds 1.

You Daddy Paul, Mr. Bad A$$>>>>>>>>>>>

CNN BIN LADEN UPDATE

We apologize to our viewers for the inaccurate reports coming out of Kahmir on last nights broadcast. Apparently Ian Haunuman Singh had unknowingly drank one two many cups of feem laced indian tea before going on air. Bin Laden had been spotted waving a white Jersey, however, he was not setting the jersey on fire. He was actually making a desperate attempt to surrender to authorities before last nights BIG GAME. Unfortunatley, thanks to Hanuman Singh, his signals got mixed up and Bin Laden had to witness a humiliating defeat at the hands of team white. Authorities have now put the Friday Night Hockey community on high terror alert. Intelligence reports revealed mass suicide plots by Team Black on next Friday. Authorities would not release further details on who or what the intended targets might be, but we did learn that an individual given the alias "Shakey" has been placed in protective custody.

CNN....BREAKING NEWS...

Reports coming out of the mountainous region of Jammu and Kashmir are saying eyewitnesses spotted a man high up in the mountain caves, that apparently resembled Osama Bin Laden, waving a white hockey jersey on the tip of his rifle and then lit it on fire. They say the logo on the jersey read 'TEAM WHITE'. The F.B.I and President George W. Bush have not yet confirmed these sitings. We go live now to reporter Ian Hanaman Singh who now resides in Islamabad, Pakistan...."well the Pakistani government have now confirmed these sitings to be Osama Bin Laden and also are saying that the burning of this white hockey jersey has something to do with an ice hockey game taking place tonight in Delta, B.C., Canada. Obviously Bin Laden is not routing for TEAM WHITE... reporting live Ian Hanaman Singh, CNN,....Islamabad."

Biggest Mistake

It has to be said that the biggest mistake by GM Sharney of the white team is trading the unstopable Paul Bassi to the black team. Paul is the youngest player there so therefore he is the future of fri hockey. Paul had this to say in a interview right after the big trade " I was hurt that Sharney had did that but what can you do GM Sharney says " he has defence" well i got news for him defence aint going to win you games goals are and that whats i provided for him in return for offence he got Bill Virk what can he do hes old enough to be my dad I will make them play i couldnt be happier with my new home GM Smitter seems to be a good guy. now i play with a team that has it all we have defence an alot of offence an im happy how i dont have to carry the black team on my back like how i did the white team with balla and pipes the work load will be equal" no other comments were made by Paul Bassi

Hockey Night in Delta

Hockey Night in Delta

As if Mandipper did not have enough problems, he awoke Friday morning with one more controversy lingering over his head. The Dipper aka George the Animal Steel has, over the years, developed a rare condition commonly known as TOO MUCH BUSH or as it known in the hockey world, "THE PERMANENT JOCK". With just hours to go until tonites much anticipated match-up the Dipper has managed to get his titties and body hair infused with his TOO MUCH BUSH and is currently stuck in the fetal position.

An all around balanced attack

Ryan Bhala had this to say about who will pick the most cherries for Team Black on friday night "Pipes and Bassi were brought to this team to add more offence but i really don't think things will change for me I'll still get the puck in those go to moments and will get the job done..i think it will be easier having those two guys lookin for me at the blueline to give me the puck even though they'll be right there with me. Let's not forget we still have KK (aka KK) who will be feining to play with either Bassi or Pipes. I think we'll bring a more all around balance attack offensively and will be ready to play tomorrow night." GM Smitter Kaila was not available for comment at the time.

Team White Crisis

Team white had an emergency situation at this morning's practice. The newest members of the team were presented with their new white Jersey's. However, when they skated onto the ice, one of the three still appeared to be wearing a black jersey. The problem occurred due to the excessive hair growth on "Big Gorilla" Mandeep's chest (both breasts), back (both lower and upper), belly (all around), and underarms. This thick "undersweater" poking through his new mesh jersey created the illusion that he was still wearing a black jersey. The team doctor's are now scrambling to find a laser hair removal clininc before tommorrow nights big game.

Sportsnet News is...

Sportsnet News Nick Kypreos is reporting that the press conference scheduled by "Pipes" will be to discuss an MRI done which has revealed the development of a THIRD chin. No one from the league or the team was available for comment.

Hockey Night in Delta

Hockey Night in Delta

Headlines News Exclusive

The associated press is reporting that Polly Pipes is preparing a formal statement into the now infamous double chin controversy. Sources close to him claim Pipes to be angered by the comments by The Franchise and Bobby Clarke. A special chin strap from Germany has been ordered and is scheduled to arrive moments before tomorrow nights game. In the mean time Paul Bassi has come to Pipes rescue. The two were spotted eating cherries together behind a Quiznos dumpster.

Trade Press Conference

Reporter: Reports have been circulating that you had knowledge of Pipes' lingering "double chin injury" weeks before the big trade but failed to disclose his medical reports to team Black?

Bobby Clarke: That is ridiculous!!

Reporter: Reports suggest you had Pauly Pipes placed on a strict lemon juice diet a week prior to the trade in an attempt to disguise his injury?

Bobby Clarke: No comment. No more questions please.

Wonder Bra Mandeep Kaila Out with titty Problems!!!

As most of us have seen over the past few weeks Mandeep Kaila has been on the struggling end when it comes to hockey, so for this week the Sniper report will go under the microscope to uncover the problem. As we take an in depth look into Wonder bra Mandeep Kaila's dilemma we see right away that his titties are just way to big and when asked to comment on this he replies "they're just outta of control man... Im looking toward gettin a reduction but im not sure if my GM Sharny Kaila will be happy with that?" also ending the conversation by sayin "Sharny and I have been there for each other from the start and when he inquired about me in the trade I knew he was the one and I just want hom to know that im sure i have enough milk in my system for his baby even after the reduction". When we finally got a chance to talk GM Sharny Kaila he stated the following "I believe that making this trade really showed him how much he really means to me and it was nothing against Pipes or Paul, but hearing now that he might get a reduction in his titties I must say I am very dissappointed and if I had known this before hand, things would be much different and I probably would not have made the trade..." thats all she wrote for the Sniper report this week stayed tuned for Wonder bra Mandeep Kaila as he goes under the microscope!!!

If anybody would like to donate some money to help Wonder Bra Mandeep Kaila gather the funds to pay for the reduction please call 1-800-WonderBra.

Hockey Night in Delta

The double chin injury suffered by Polly Pipes is definitley gonna be a blig blow to team Black. However, Deep Sandhu and his linemates are really looking forward to step up and fill the void left by Pipes. An exuberant Sandhu had to say this "You don't like to see guys like Pipes go down that way, but I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity myself. My linemates and I are really looking forward to the possibility of getting on the ice now that Pipes is out of the line up". "However, with Bala, KK and Paul still healthy, I am still gonna play it safe and bring my blanket and bottle of tequilla to keep warm on the bench."

NEWS ALERT!

Polly Pipes has apparently suffered a double chin injury and is questionable for tomorrow night. When asked how does it feel? Pipes answered "it hurts". Docters indicate that Pipes will be unable to wear the chin strap for a period of three to four weeks. Doctors say that a bowl full of cherries may speed up the recovery process.

Friday Night Hockey: Blockbuster Trade

Friday Night Hockey: Blockbuster Trade

The big question on Friday Night will be whether or not Bala, Pipes and Paul will all be able to co-habitate together under one cherry tree? Are there enough cherries to go around for these three hungry floaters? Or will we witness a three man WWE ladder match with them knocking each other off the ladder to gain supremecy on top of the tree?

More Needed

The trade will add to the already stellar offence demonstrated last week by TEAM BLACK who simply took over, wore down and than ran the white jerseys out of the building. As for team white, the GM has just set this franchise back 3 weeks with the trade in terms of this season and years when age is factored in. Bill "chow meow" Virk is on the verge of collecting pension from Correction Canada, while Paul and Mandip the two players with something left in the tank have hard years on their respective bodies from severe battles with the bottle . All in all team Black looks like a winner in this swindling of team white as it did last week winning the series handly 5 games to 2. See you at the rink!

Big Trade

I know many people were surprised to hear this deal, but something had to give. I am confident the additions of "Big Gorilla" (Mandeep), "Badass" Billy Virk (aka "Chow Meow") and the enforcer Paul Samra can bring some much needed grit to team white. At the very least with the addition of "Chow Meow" we should get some offside calls go are way.

Blockbuster Trade

Six players have to find new jerseys come Friday. GM Sharny Kaila of Team White has traded Paul Kaila, Paul Bassi and Chinny to Team Black for veteran Bill Virk, Mandeep Kaila, and Paul Samra. GM Smiter Kaila is looking for a resurgence in an offense that relies heavily on sniper Ryan Bala.