CNN BIN LADEN UPDATE

We apologize to our viewers for the inaccurate reports coming out of Kahmir on last nights broadcast. Apparently Ian Haunuman Singh had unknowingly drank one two many cups of feem laced indian tea before going on air. Bin Laden had been spotted waving a white Jersey, however, he was not setting the jersey on fire. He was actually making a desperate attempt to surrender to authorities before last nights BIG GAME. Unfortunatley, thanks to Hanuman Singh, his signals got mixed up and Bin Laden had to witness a humiliating defeat at the hands of team white. Authorities have now put the Friday Night Hockey community on high terror alert. Intelligence reports revealed mass suicide plots by Team Black on next Friday. Authorities would not release further details on who or what the intended targets might be, but we did learn that an individual given the alias "Shakey" has been placed in protective custody.