Winning is now become 2nd nature to the White Machine.

After an easy road game win, the White Team drank late into the night. White Machine's GM S.S.K, invited his team back to his plush Palace, similar to the Palace in Auburn NY. Unbeknownist to the White Machine's Security's personnel, some gut-less Black Team members where seen trying to break into this very private party. After much inquiries, the Black where found to be just wanting to have anal sex with the next door's family pet bob sidhu.
White Machine 3 Black Phuds 1.

You Daddy Paul, Mr. Bad A$$>>>>>>>>>>>

CNN BIN LADEN UPDATE

We apologize to our viewers for the inaccurate reports coming out of Kahmir on last nights broadcast. Apparently Ian Haunuman Singh had unknowingly drank one two many cups of feem laced indian tea before going on air. Bin Laden had been spotted waving a white Jersey, however, he was not setting the jersey on fire. He was actually making a desperate attempt to surrender to authorities before last nights BIG GAME. Unfortunatley, thanks to Hanuman Singh, his signals got mixed up and Bin Laden had to witness a humiliating defeat at the hands of team white. Authorities have now put the Friday Night Hockey community on high terror alert. Intelligence reports revealed mass suicide plots by Team Black on next Friday. Authorities would not release further details on who or what the intended targets might be, but we did learn that an individual given the alias "Shakey" has been placed in protective custody.

CNN....BREAKING NEWS...

Reports coming out of the mountainous region of Jammu and Kashmir are saying eyewitnesses spotted a man high up in the mountain caves, that apparently resembled Osama Bin Laden, waving a white hockey jersey on the tip of his rifle and then lit it on fire. They say the logo on the jersey read 'TEAM WHITE'. The F.B.I and President George W. Bush have not yet confirmed these sitings. We go live now to reporter Ian Hanaman Singh who now resides in Islamabad, Pakistan...."well the Pakistani government have now confirmed these sitings to be Osama Bin Laden and also are saying that the burning of this white hockey jersey has something to do with an ice hockey game taking place tonight in Delta, B.C., Canada. Obviously Bin Laden is not routing for TEAM WHITE... reporting live Ian Hanaman Singh, CNN,....Islamabad."

Biggest Mistake

It has to be said that the biggest mistake by GM Sharney of the white team is trading the unstopable Paul Bassi to the black team. Paul is the youngest player there so therefore he is the future of fri hockey. Paul had this to say in a interview right after the big trade " I was hurt that Sharney had did that but what can you do GM Sharney says " he has defence" well i got news for him defence aint going to win you games goals are and that whats i provided for him in return for offence he got Bill Virk what can he do hes old enough to be my dad I will make them play i couldnt be happier with my new home GM Smitter seems to be a good guy. now i play with a team that has it all we have defence an alot of offence an im happy how i dont have to carry the black team on my back like how i did the white team with balla and pipes the work load will be equal" no other comments were made by Paul Bassi

Hockey Night in Delta

Hockey Night in Delta

As if Mandipper did not have enough problems, he awoke Friday morning with one more controversy lingering over his head. The Dipper aka George the Animal Steel has, over the years, developed a rare condition commonly known as TOO MUCH BUSH or as it known in the hockey world, "THE PERMANENT JOCK". With just hours to go until tonites much anticipated match-up the Dipper has managed to get his titties and body hair infused with his TOO MUCH BUSH and is currently stuck in the fetal position.

An all around balanced attack

Ryan Bhala had this to say about who will pick the most cherries for Team Black on friday night "Pipes and Bassi were brought to this team to add more offence but i really don't think things will change for me I'll still get the puck in those go to moments and will get the job done..i think it will be easier having those two guys lookin for me at the blueline to give me the puck even though they'll be right there with me. Let's not forget we still have KK (aka KK) who will be feining to play with either Bassi or Pipes. I think we'll bring a more all around balance attack offensively and will be ready to play tomorrow night." GM Smitter Kaila was not available for comment at the time.

Team White Crisis

Team white had an emergency situation at this morning's practice. The newest members of the team were presented with their new white Jersey's. However, when they skated onto the ice, one of the three still appeared to be wearing a black jersey. The problem occurred due to the excessive hair growth on "Big Gorilla" Mandeep's chest (both breasts), back (both lower and upper), belly (all around), and underarms. This thick "undersweater" poking through his new mesh jersey created the illusion that he was still wearing a black jersey. The team doctor's are now scrambling to find a laser hair removal clininc before tommorrow nights big game.

Sportsnet News is...

Sportsnet News Nick Kypreos is reporting that the press conference scheduled by "Pipes" will be to discuss an MRI done which has revealed the development of a THIRD chin. No one from the league or the team was available for comment.

Hockey Night in Delta

Hockey Night in Delta

Headlines News Exclusive

The associated press is reporting that Polly Pipes is preparing a formal statement into the now infamous double chin controversy. Sources close to him claim Pipes to be angered by the comments by The Franchise and Bobby Clarke. A special chin strap from Germany has been ordered and is scheduled to arrive moments before tomorrow nights game. In the mean time Paul Bassi has come to Pipes rescue. The two were spotted eating cherries together behind a Quiznos dumpster.

Trade Press Conference

Reporter: Reports have been circulating that you had knowledge of Pipes' lingering "double chin injury" weeks before the big trade but failed to disclose his medical reports to team Black?

Bobby Clarke: That is ridiculous!!

Reporter: Reports suggest you had Pauly Pipes placed on a strict lemon juice diet a week prior to the trade in an attempt to disguise his injury?

Bobby Clarke: No comment. No more questions please.

Wonder Bra Mandeep Kaila Out with titty Problems!!!

As most of us have seen over the past few weeks Mandeep Kaila has been on the struggling end when it comes to hockey, so for this week the Sniper report will go under the microscope to uncover the problem. As we take an in depth look into Wonder bra Mandeep Kaila's dilemma we see right away that his titties are just way to big and when asked to comment on this he replies "they're just outta of control man... Im looking toward gettin a reduction but im not sure if my GM Sharny Kaila will be happy with that?" also ending the conversation by sayin "Sharny and I have been there for each other from the start and when he inquired about me in the trade I knew he was the one and I just want hom to know that im sure i have enough milk in my system for his baby even after the reduction". When we finally got a chance to talk GM Sharny Kaila he stated the following "I believe that making this trade really showed him how much he really means to me and it was nothing against Pipes or Paul, but hearing now that he might get a reduction in his titties I must say I am very dissappointed and if I had known this before hand, things would be much different and I probably would not have made the trade..." thats all she wrote for the Sniper report this week stayed tuned for Wonder bra Mandeep Kaila as he goes under the microscope!!!

If anybody would like to donate some money to help Wonder Bra Mandeep Kaila gather the funds to pay for the reduction please call 1-800-WonderBra.

Hockey Night in Delta

The double chin injury suffered by Polly Pipes is definitley gonna be a blig blow to team Black. However, Deep Sandhu and his linemates are really looking forward to step up and fill the void left by Pipes. An exuberant Sandhu had to say this "You don't like to see guys like Pipes go down that way, but I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity myself. My linemates and I are really looking forward to the possibility of getting on the ice now that Pipes is out of the line up". "However, with Bala, KK and Paul still healthy, I am still gonna play it safe and bring my blanket and bottle of tequilla to keep warm on the bench."

NEWS ALERT!

Polly Pipes has apparently suffered a double chin injury and is questionable for tomorrow night. When asked how does it feel? Pipes answered "it hurts". Docters indicate that Pipes will be unable to wear the chin strap for a period of three to four weeks. Doctors say that a bowl full of cherries may speed up the recovery process.

Friday Night Hockey: Blockbuster Trade

Friday Night Hockey: Blockbuster Trade

The big question on Friday Night will be whether or not Bala, Pipes and Paul will all be able to co-habitate together under one cherry tree? Are there enough cherries to go around for these three hungry floaters? Or will we witness a three man WWE ladder match with them knocking each other off the ladder to gain supremecy on top of the tree?

More Needed

The trade will add to the already stellar offence demonstrated last week by TEAM BLACK who simply took over, wore down and than ran the white jerseys out of the building. As for team white, the GM has just set this franchise back 3 weeks with the trade in terms of this season and years when age is factored in. Bill "chow meow" Virk is on the verge of collecting pension from Correction Canada, while Paul and Mandip the two players with something left in the tank have hard years on their respective bodies from severe battles with the bottle . All in all team Black looks like a winner in this swindling of team white as it did last week winning the series handly 5 games to 2. See you at the rink!

Big Trade

I know many people were surprised to hear this deal, but something had to give. I am confident the additions of "Big Gorilla" (Mandeep), "Badass" Billy Virk (aka "Chow Meow") and the enforcer Paul Samra can bring some much needed grit to team white. At the very least with the addition of "Chow Meow" we should get some offside calls go are way.

Blockbuster Trade

Six players have to find new jerseys come Friday. GM Sharny Kaila of Team White has traded Paul Kaila, Paul Bassi and Chinny to Team Black for veteran Bill Virk, Mandeep Kaila, and Paul Samra. GM Smiter Kaila is looking for a resurgence in an offense that relies heavily on sniper Ryan Bala.